Postpartum Assertiveness: How Can It Help?
The arrival of a newborn involves enormous physical and psychological changes for the mother. In this delicate period it becomes particularly important to be able to set limits and ask for help. To succeed – although it is always important – in the period after childbirth, assertiveness can become your best ally.
As a human being, as a woman and now as a mother, it is your right to express what you feel and what you want. However, many times it is not easy to do so, because there is a fear of being unpleasant or selfish. Yet the birth of your child and the months ahead will be a great challenge in many ways, so you must make the decision to place your needs above the opinions of others.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a social skill that consists in being able to defend our rights without weighing on others. It involves a wide variety of facets that lead to harmonious and balanced communication:
- Knowing how to communicate in a frank, clear and direct way.
- Expressing our wishes, opinions and feelings.
- Defend our rights and our needs.
- Knowing how to ask and accept or reject what is asked of us.
- Accept compliments and handle criticism.
- Do all of the above without fear of being judged or rejected.
- Do not trample on the rights of others or disrespect others with the way we communicate.
It is not always easy to put all this into practice. A good dose of self-esteem makes it easier to be able to communicate assertively. Yet even in doing so, there is a certain social pressure, especially towards women, to be friendly, polite and helpful.
Very often, assertive behaviors are not well regarded, as they are even accused of selfishness. Yet, we must remember that our first duty is to ourselves and that it is not okay to ignore our needs to please other people.
Assertiveness after childbirth
The arrival of a child presupposes a period of great stress and vulnerability for women. Fatigue and hormonal changes add to the fear of facing this new stage. It is a moment that requires a lot of energy, both physical and mental; sometimes, however, the people around us do not help to lighten the load.
Very often, family members, friends and relatives are not aware of the conditions and needs of the new mother. The enthusiasm for the new family member and the desire to collaborate can lead them to have intrusive attitudes towards the woman. In these moments, what he probably needs is to rest and spend moments of intimacy with his family.
The constant visits to home or to the hospital, all those people who express opinions and give advice can be overwhelming. Yet, in order not to sound rude, the mother usually gets inhibited when it comes to expressing what she wants and what she really needs. Likewise, she can be ashamed when it comes to asking for help with her baby, as taking care of everything on her own requires an unimaginable effort.
How to practice assertiveness after childbirth?
- At the hospital (and at home) you will let in only whoever you want and the visits will last as long as you see fit. Don’t be afraid to deny yourself, postpone or ask others to leave. You have to respect your needs, and they have to understand that.
- Make it clear that you need to rest. If you feel guilty, remember that these people don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to take care of your baby.
- You don’t have to do it all alone. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, and reminding your partner to do his duty doesn’t make you bossy.
- Remember that you are the mothers of your children and that you decide how to care for them. You have to choose whether to feed them or give them a bottle, whether to co- sleep or sleep in separate beds, if you prefer an ergonomic backpack or a pram. Do not accept orders from others, do not be afraid to be firm in your decisions if someone is too intrusive. If you need advice, you will be asked or consulted by your doctor.
To sum up, if the time of birth is approaching, be prepared to dedicate to yourself the space you need, without any fear. Forget about social worries and conventions, because now you and your children are what matters most. Review your rights and don’t be afraid to assertively defend them when necessary. Nothing should stand in the way of this precious phase.
