Even A Son Is Sensitive And Affectionate …

Even a male child needs to be raised sensitively. Because a child can become as affectionate as or more than a child. Because educating him from an early age to develop the right emotional skills will allow him to better resolve conflicts in the future, to have greater communication skills, to be more empathetic, assertive and master of his reality.

Today, many still perceive in their parents and even in the younger male generations a lack in the management and expression of their personal universe where complex dimensions such as fear, frustration, sadness and insecurity coexist …

A man is educated to keep everything inside. When he has a worry, when something gnaws at him, he doesn’t talk about it. Why? To avoid showing what some call “weakness of character”. Indeed, we still see many families who keep repeating phrases such as “don’t cry”, “be strong”,  or “don’t be a sissy” to their sons.

We cannot forget that when we educate a small child to repress, conceal and suffocate his emotions, we do nothing but generate frustration in him. If we laugh at his tears or his behavior, we foment his anger. It makes no sense to bring a person into the world if we then have to impose bans on him, force him to erect walls that stem his emotions and barbed wire that keeps others away from his feelings.

Many moms and dads who raise their sons with respect and insight have surely noticed that babies are incredibly affectionate, outgoing and loving from an early age. The demonstration of love is not the exclusive prerogative of a single kind. Tears are not exclusive to women. They are the natural and necessary expression of an emotion. One thing we cannot forbid. 

In  “We are moms” we  will deal with this very topic.

A male child is more vulnerable

This data is interesting and we should keep it in mind. The the brain of a male child matures more slowly than that of a daughter. 

Likewise, a male child  is also more vulnerable to the effects of maternal stress during pregnancy. It is as if, when it comes to dealing with negative emotions, female neurobiology already has stronger and more resilient mechanisms in intrauterine life.

Let’s not worry though. Because even in “extrauterine” life, our sons need a little more attention on an emotional level than we thought at first.

A different brain but more emotional needs

Already from the first months of pregnancy, several differences between the male and female brains can be noted. Male fetuses, for example, have 10% more testosterone in their blood than female fetuses. This small detail triggers certain differences between the two genres which is important to point out:

• According to an interesting recently published study, entitled ” All our sons: the neurobiology and neuroendocrinology of the development of children at risk”, published by Allan N. Schore, if they are not properly cared for, children can be subjected to greater stress than girls. 
• Let’s take an example. A mother who does not offer her child safe, continuous and meaningful affection  can cause more emotional turmoil in the child than it would in a child in the same situation.

• Likewise, this relational deficiency affects brain development, emotions, self-control, and the quality of relationships with others.

On average, but not 100% of the time, when they don’t get what they want, sons are more likely to show their frustration. Often with violent reactions. The education of a male child lies precisely in teaching him to manage these situations as soon as possible.

Likewise, it is common for a male child to go from one extreme to another, from affection to grumpiness in seconds when he is missing something, or dislikes something or is bothered by it. All these signs make us understand that his handling of emotions takes much longer to mature. That her brain consolidates these areas more slowly than it does in girls. For this, we need to be more attentive to the complex universe of a male child.

Intelligently enhance the natural affection of a male child

A male child comes into the world equipped with an infinite dose of love, but also with many needs. He is affectionate by nature and has an intense need for your caresses, your hugs and your closeness, right from the first day he came into the world. Well, if in general your child lives these needs in a more intense and sensitive way than a daughter does, the last thing to do is to tell him that ” babies don’t cry, babies are brave and can solve problems on their own ” .

If we do this, we only get to erect a wall in front of his emotional needs, generating upset. From this moment on, the child will understand that talking about his desires, his needs, his fears “is forbidden”. And with that, we ban his opportunity to be assertive, empathetic, and to show good emotional ability.

What is all this for? Absolutely nothing. Raising and educating a male child must be an act of sensitivity. If your child has come into the world already affectionate, enhance this gift of his. Help him develop adequate emotional intelligence.

You will invest in happiness. 

Images courtesy of Pascal Campion