Intrusive Family Members: What To Do And How To Behave

What to do during that unpleasant moment when the whole family seems to want to talk about the education you are giving your child? How to behave in front of intrusive family members? First of all, remember that advice from parents, uncles and grandparents is not always given in bad faith.

Indeed, these types of spontaneous interventions only prove that your loved ones care about your health and that of the little one. There are rules? Sure. And it is important to be clear about it right away, so that family members don’t get too carried away in advising you.

This bad habit is especially present in new parents. They start the story with ” when my son was little and had the same symptoms, it was this disease …”  or,  “You too were such a brat as a child …”  Not to mention nutrition advice, home remedies and a another long list of things that will make you scream in despair.

What to do with intrusive family members?

Establish healthy rules

Clearly define the limits in which uncles, grandparents and relatives can participate in the education of the child and when they are abusing him. For example: draw up a schedule of visits, calls, habits and routines of the little one.

Talk to grandmothers, who become the most zealous when the new baby arrives; talk to her about the education you intend to give the baby and the medical recommendations for the first few days at home. Lovingly ask her to let you experience, enjoy, make mistakes and grow together with the baby, and ask her to always be ready if you need it.

Clarify the roles. Parents must play the leading role in the education and growth of a child. It has to be without letting someone else in the family usurp your place.

This rule issue needs to be clarified during pregnancy and long before the baby is born. Very frequently, when these limits are not clarified in time, it happens that babies call grandparents “mom” or “dad” and their parents with their first name. Situation that creates confusion and will affect family harmony.

Give generic and non-detailed information

It is very useful to keep some family and couple aspects confidential. Give generic and non-detailed information, so that the family does not get mixed up in private decisions such as: the religion with which to raise the baby, the school he will attend, his complementary nutrition, medical care, etc.

A useful resource is to ask yourself first if it is necessary for the family to receive a certain type of information, if it can help you in the resolution, if it will make you see things from another point of view, if it could advise you. If the answer to all of these questions is NO, then they don’t need to know this information.

Assertive and respectful communication

Communicate with assertiveness and respect any information regarding the growth and education of the baby. Explicitly say when you are asking for advice and when you are simply communicating a decision that has already been made. For example: the prospect of traveling with the baby, forbidden foods, the administration of medicines, the relationship between the baby and other family members, removals.

Talk about relationship problems

The problem of intrusive family members mainly includes in-laws. When these get in the way too much, talk to your partner about it. Let him see where they disrespect, consult his opinion and together come to a conclusion for the well-being of the child and that of the family and couple.

Avoid assuming the role of victim or manipulating the couple by placing the partner in front of a choice: “either us or them”. On the contrary, when faced with the problem, look for alternative solutions, take a pro-active role.

Participation

First of all, the uncles, the grandparents, must not assume the role of “intrusive family members”. If from the beginning you give him an active role and a participation fee in the life of the little one there will be no problems.

Let everyone know how important they are to you and ask them for advice when you need it. So they won’t feel left out. Even if jealousies arise, let each of them know that you are revealing to the baby’s growth and that without them it would be more difficult.