No, Motherhood Does Not Take You Away From Friends

When we become mothers, many things change. It is a beautiful phase, but at the same time sad, because many times we realize that there are people who are not up to it. There are people who we thought would accompany us in this phase, but who choose to move away from us. Sometimes we blame our new situation, but that’s not always the case. Motherhood does not take you away from friends: it  makes sure that those who are worth it remain.

It must also be taken into account that we too must do our part. In most cases, the fault is not just one of the two parties. It may be that, in our new role as mothers, we have neglected the people who have always supported us.

Maybe we are the ones who have drifted away, or who have created some misunderstanding. Or it may be that what we called friends simply weren’t very friends.

What can I do to get my friends back?

If you believe that you are the cause of the estrangement, do not be tormented. The important thing is to be aware of your mistakes and try to remedy them. For this reason, try to come back and get in touch with your friends. Invite them to be a part of your child’s life.

Ask for forgiveness

It’s a sensible way to take responsibility. If you think you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, apologize. Accept the possibility that you have not been correct, and show them that you are still the same people. When friendship is real, the other person knows how to forgive.

Show interest in them

Prove that you are not a self-centered person and ask them how they are. You are not the only people in the world with problems. Try to support and listen to them, and show interest. Nobody likes people who only care about themselves.

Don’t be monothematic

Life isn’t just about diapers and baby bottles. It’s okay to tell him about your baby, but don’t always monopolize the conversation. If you talk about yourself and the baby all the time, they will end up getting tired. Motherhood doesn’t mean putting aside other interests you have in life.

Try to involve them in your child’s life

Invite them to participate in the child’s life. Many times friends are the family that one chooses, when the biological one cannot or does not want to be there. Some children have their parents’ best friends as godparents or godmothers, and they love them as if they were real uncles. Also, who can take care of your child if something better happens than someone you trust one hundred percent?

Stay connected

Nowadays, thanks to the Internet and social networks, it is very difficult to lose contact with people. Keep talking to your friends whenever you can, tell them your progress, and witness theirs. It doesn’t matter if you stay connected all day, just enough to keep up with the latest news. It doesn’t matter if they are near or far, you can always count on them.

When motherhood doesn’t change you, it changes others

If others are walking away and you are sure you have been corrected, be happy. Life has taken away some very toxic people who have only been with you for interest. You have the right to feel disappointed and sad, but don’t think about it too much. We must be able to recognize people who are not for us, and distance ourselves from them as much as possible.

Some characteristics of toxic people

• They don’t care about you or the baby. They never ask how you are and never offer their help.
• They are hypocrites. Sometimes they pretend to worry, but when you need them they are never there.
• They lie to you.
• Every time you invite them to some party for your child they find an excuse not to come.
• They only answer the phone or read your messages when they are interested.
• They make you feel alone and isolated.
• They criticize you all the time. They don’t understand that your priorities are no longer the same.

If you know someone close to you who behaves this way, walk away. It is not trustworthy, nor does it deserve to be in your life. Take advantage of this new phase, where you have the opportunity to meet new people, many of them in the same situation as you.

School, park and daycare are good places to meet other mothers, as well as keep up with your child’s life. Furthermore, you may join associations, courses and groups of people with the same interests as you.