Becoming Parents: A Couple Decision

The desire to become parents can arise spontaneously or in a planned way. It can happen at any time in life, and the reasons can be many. Some may be valid others may seem quite superficial.

The ideal would be for a child to come into the world as a product of a couple’s decision. This will guarantee security and stability to the new human being; and also to the parents themselves. This is because it is a decision that will change the couple’s life forever.

The problem arises when the desire to be parents is not genuine. That is, in the circumstance in which the child is not an end but a means. In this case the difficulties could harm many people.

Where does the desire to become parents come from

Just ten years ago the decision to have a child was not something to be analyzed. It was supposed to be the product of a normal stable relationship. Procreate was an obligation. As the methods of contraception advance, there is consequently a greater possibility of choice.

No one is forced to be born, it is the couple’s decision to bring a new being into the world. Ideally, it’s a decision an established couple makes to take the relationship to the next level. Create a family and organize a life plan around it.

Sometimes the reasons for becoming parents are wrong: they affect morals, religion and customs. In these cases there is no desire to become a parent, but only a sense of duty and guilt. A child requires sacrifice and compromise that can only be assumed when the feeling is the fruit of love.

It also happens that couples with problems decide to have a child in the hope that the latter will fix things. Usually the birth of a newborn leads to the breakup of an already broken relationship. On the other hand there are exceptions; you may not initially have the desire to become parents but it can come and consolidate over time.

Becoming parents: the aspects to keep in mind

The desire to want to be a parent is not enough. The arrival of a child involves major changes in life. This is why it is right to evaluate as a couple whether it is time to take such a responsibility.

The main aspects to take into account are:

• It has to be a couple decision. It represents a subject on which one must speak frankly. You need to know the wishes of your partner especially if you are going to marry.

• Consider the practicalities. It is important to evaluate the time to devote to the growth of the baby. If finances are sufficient. You need to talk to your partner about what kind of family you want to create.
• Prepare for changes in everyday life.  Each couple must clearly identify the aspects of life that will change. The arrival of a baby totally changes the pace. Are you ready for this responsibility?
• Compromise capacity. Both members of the couple must speak openly about the decision.

When one of the two does not want to have a child

This is a situation that occurs quite frequently. When one of the two wants to have a child, while the other does not, the desire to become parents is not shared. Therefore one of the two must yield.

The solution in these cases is dialogue. The most important thing is that both are willing to listen to each other. Without prejudices, clarifications, discussions, etc, but with full freedom of expression.

Sometimes the lack of this desire is due to the practical aspect. The lack of money for example. In this case it is important to find solutions so that the desire can become achievable. On other occasions it may be a profound refusal to become a father or mother. In this case we must consider the couple relationship and if it is worth continuing it.