Breakdown Of The Couple, What Effect Does It Have Phase By Phase?
One of the most traumatic situations that a human being can go through is the breakup of the couple. When this happens, our brains face high levels of stress and sometimes even physical pain.
There are various studies that analyze how the brain behaves in the face of the breakup of the couple and that confirm this. So it should come as no surprise that this situation profoundly affects our lives.
Why does the breakup of the couple affect us so much?
When we form a family, we are creating what is most intimate in terms of relationships. Among all family members, values, habits and beliefs are transmitted, and it is the context in which we build our identity.
Our self-esteem, our behavior patterns and the way we relate to others are based on this. The family gives us a structure of physical and emotional security in the face of life changes. For this reason, when there is a separation, very deep themes are touched, which make the pillars of each of the components of this nucleus waver.
Everyone involved may have different experiences in the face of this breakup of the couple, and each of these is important:
- There are those who experience a feeling of discouragement when they see that they have not succeeded in what they proposed.
- Others interpret the break up as a defeat.
- Low self-esteem is very common. This leads us to feelings of guilt and a reconsideration of our life.
- Even when living with a sense of liberation, the symptoms of mourning for the changes taking place in the family appear.
The stages of mourning in the breakup of the couple
Psychologists agree that the couple’s separation is experienced as a bereavement, with all the typical phases. The duration of each of these phases depends on each person and on the tools they have to deal with it. But do you know what these stages are?
1. Denial
As the name indicates, it consists in denying reality and thinking that everything will be the same or better than before. The impact is such that we tend to protect ourselves, so we generate this feeling. It is important to be aware of what it really is, to live it and to let it pass without holding on to it or judging it.
2. Anger
Then comes the anger, the anger projected towards the person who has ended the relationship. We go from not wanting to see what happens to blaming the other person for everything that happened. There are those who can even go so far as to blame themselves. The desire for revenge is frequent.
3. Negotiation
In this phase we try to understand the other, accept what happened and get closer again. If it is not managed well, you run the risk of believing that there may be a reconciliation, making it worse.
4. Depression
Even if it doesn’t seem like it, this is where the real work begins. The person has accepted that there is no step back, and it is at this moment that sadness assails him. It is possible that he is feeling worse than before, but he is finally realizing that his relationship is over and sooner or later this will lead him to take his life back in hand.
5. Acceptance
Gradually the sadness begins to leave us and the feeling that there is a future beyond this breakup begins to become more and more real. We rediscover the desire to live, to meet new people and, even, to return to relate to another partner.
Some consequences that the breakup of the couple can leave us
As you can see, a breakup has a huge impact on our mental, emotional, and even physical health, so there can be some consequences.
- Depression. Although it is one of the natural and healthy stages of grief, it is common for many people to get trapped there and unable to get out of this cycle of sadness. This leads to more and more isolation and to transform this phase into a chronic situation.
- Anxiety. Fear of an uncertain future causes anxiety, sometimes accompanied by difficulty sleeping.
- Post-traumatic stress disorder. When breakups are in some way violent, this disorder can occur, particularly when there has been abuse.
- Low self-esteem. The loss makes us feel hopeless, guilt takes over and from here comes the loss of self-esteem in one step.
The breakup of the couple is a difficult situation to deal with, but it is not impossible. Especially if you can count on the help you need to do it. If you identify with any of these symptoms, see a specialist who can help you get out of this situation and build a new life.
