Disobedient Children: Why Do They Behave Like This?

“My son exhausts me: he never listens to me , ” many parents often say when faced with the misconduct of their children. However, disobedient children do not get up in the morning with the firm intention of behaving badly throughout the day.

On the contrary,  disobedient children are usually the result of a model of authority adopted by their parents, whether they are authoritarian, overly meditative or negligent adults. Although the older ones do not know the causes, this behavior, in case it persists for a long time, has been given a name.

Science has defined this problem as “Oppositional Defiant Disorder”.  According to statistics presented by the Spanish Society of Pediatrics and Primary Care, it affects 15% of Spanish minors before the age of 16.

Of course,  the unwanted conduct of disobedient children harms both the child’s development and his or her family environment.  We are Moms would like to explain to you how to identify this problem, what are the causes of disobedience and how to correct this behavior.

Disobedient Children: Why?

You will certainly be tired of asking your child, with overwhelming perseverance, to put away the toys he has scattered on the floor, stop throwing them at the ceiling or throw them off the balcony. It then becomes even more unbearable when he replies in an insolent way.  But do you know what are the reasons for so much disobedience?

According to psychology,  the child, between the ages of two and five, tends to develop a sense of identity, independence and autonomy  much stronger than what he had when he was little, when his world and the example to follow were represented by you. .

For this reason,  to form his personality by distinguishing himself from older people, he begins to rebel against impositions and to reject the orders and rules established, adopting insubordinate behavior.

At the same time, experts say that  disobedient children, through this series of inappropriate attitudes, challenge their parents as they progressively learn to control their impulses. All of this requires parents a significant amount of time and patience.

Wrong authoritarian models, reason for self-criticism and reflection for parents

Another cause that leads disobedient children to exhibit inappropriate behavior in public or at home is represented by the authoritarian models of parents. Experts say these are wrong examples, about which some reflection is needed:

• Authoritarian parents.  This is the case of children educated in an authoritarian environment, in which one must obey to avoid punishment, but without the reason being understood. Also, these guys get easily irritated, because, since the adult always has the last word, they are not heard.

What is the result? Promote the development of disobedient, embittered, insecure and low self-esteem children. Disobedience, therefore, has a very close relationship with the tendency to infantile rebellion. For this reason, it is recommended to create a harmonious family environment based on the teaching of values ​​and the distinction between good and evil.

• Overly condescending parents. In this case the parents consider themselves friends of their children, in an attempt to remove absurd fears. In this way, they spoil minors without educating them with firmness and discipline, weakening the authoritarian figure until it disappears. It is precisely at this point that the figure of the disobedient child appears.

• Negligent parents. The education of the child is of no importance and the emotional bond is reduced to a minimum. As a result, minors seek affection from friends who suffer from the same emotional deficiencies. These disobedient children are usually poor tolerant and present with serious behavioral problems, as well as poor academic performance.

Steps to get disobedient children on track

• Identify disobedient children. These behaviors occur from two or three years of age, a period in which you should be able to recognize when this attitude is excessive and can make you think about a future problem. It is therefore essential to observe the first signs (more frequent in males than in females) that associate a certain model with the continuity and hostility of its disobedience towards authoritarian figures.

• Motivating disobedient children. The ideal starting point for moving towards a solution to this problem is to stimulate the child’s motivation, reinforcing the positive aspects of his behavior and ignoring the negative ones. It would also be useful to show a collaborative attitude, through which to allow the child to express himself better, always explaining through dialogue the problems connected to his attitude.
• Avoid losing your temper in the face of the challenge your child poses. Control your anger and don’t let your nerves dominate you. To do this, you could place yourself at the same height as the child, in order to make direct eye contact and to be able to speak calmly.
• Establish limits and rules to stem disobedience. In this way you will set a boundary between what should and what should not be done. However, these limits must be clear and reasonable, as well as suitable for the child’s age. At the same time, it is advisable to explain to the child the why of each rule and the resulting benefits.

• Establish habits. An excellent contribution to getting disobedient children on the right path is to maintain a stable schedule and pace of life, in order to avoid a chaotic life in which it is impossible to be guided by schedules, limits and rules, once they are made necessary. By introducing habits, you bring order and balance to the home, and, at the same time, promote a collaborative and affirmative attitude in the child.