How To Tell If My Child Needs To Be Heard?

While the answer to this question seems obvious, many parents have doubts about it, since not all children are the same. Below, we will provide you with some tools to understand if your child needs to be heard.

Many times it is not easy to know when a child needs to be heard. Yes, we are his parents and we know him better than anyone in most cases, but we must remember that we are also human beings. As a result, there may be times when we find it harder to spot some not very clear signs.

It is normal that in our lives, and even in close relationships, we sometimes miss some details. This does not mean that we lack interest or that we are not awake enough to be able to perceive things, for example if our child needs to be heard ;  it is simply not possible to “control” everything.

The signals of children

From the first years of life, children feel a great curiosity for the world around them; reason why they ask questions, in order to understand and make sense of reality. As parents, we are there to guide them in their learning process.

When a child cannot spontaneously satisfy his need to express himself and ask questions, or rather, he feels that he is not getting the attention he desires, he may hesitate. This can influence its development, from various points of view, among which the following stand out:

1. If he stops asking questions, he will feel indifferent and will lose confidence both in himself and in those around him, and this can lead to great insecurity.
2. If he decides to find the answers elsewhere, he may not turn to the most appropriate people or places; so he will be much more exposed to the various dangers of society.

Irritability and frustration are the most obvious signs that a child is not satisfied with something. While, on the other hand, reluctance presupposes a greater challenge, since it comes in a wide range of shades. In many cases, changes in his behavior are barely noticeable, so you need to be very careful. But above all,  we must learn to approach gently to encourage him to express himself.

Why does a child need to be heard?

Listening to a child is more than just the act of hearing. It means establishing deep and lasting communication with the child, nurturing his self-confidence and strengthening the bond between parent and child. It is also about going beyond the rules of the good storyteller and good listening, you have to appreciate the variations in the tone of the voice and, in short, to go beyond words.

It is important not to limit the listening time we have for children, so that they can have a healthy and happy psycho-emotional development. This will affect the different aspects of his life, including having a good self-esteem. On the other hand, active listening will favor the approach and unity of the family.

The 3 needs involved

1. Security

Your child needs to be sure that you love and understand him. Therefore, when he expresses some concern to you, you must be willing to give him the time necessary to listen to him. This will not only help him trust you, but will also help him build healthy emotional bonds with other people.

2. Affection

A child not only needs to be heard, but also to feel loved and wanted. For this, it is important that his parents let him know that they love him. And since love has, among its many aspects, listening, it is necessary to dedicate time to this gesture.

3. Attention

Paying attention to children never puts an extra load on your to-do list. For this, it will always be possible to find some time to deal with what is really important in human interactions and, in particular, in the relationship between parents and children.

It is important that when a child talks to you, you pay attention to them. Even if his problems seem “small” to you, you must give importance to what he expresses in order to be able to give him both excellent support and adequate advice. Once he has finished speaking, you can ask him a few questions to show him that what he says matters and that you want to help him.

Recommendations

When a child needs to be heard, it is necessary to act with affection and not to force things, to prevent him from frightening and driving us away. To do this,  we offer you some recommendations so that you can understand how to best act:

• Approach the child and stand at the same height as him.
• Pay full attention to what the child is saying.
• Look him in the eye.
• Try not to interrupt him when he is talking to you and do not pressure him to come to the conclusion.

• Ask yourself if you are really listening to it.
• Put yourself in his shoes.
• Pay attention not only to the child’s words, but also to his gestures, expressions and silences.
• Pay attention to your body language. Do not cross your arms or legs, try to maintain a relaxed posture, nod your head and express affection whenever it seems appropriate: a caress on the back or a hug.

Cinematic proposals on this topic

• The Kill Giants (2017).
• Seven minutes after midnight (2016).
• Very strong, incredibly close (2011).

What if he doesn’t want to talk?

Maybe, at first, he might not want to talk about what’s happening to him. And it’s even easier to happen if it’s a problem. In these circumstances we must be patient and, even if he does not want to speak, we must always remain vigilant. If when asked directly if something happens he doesn’t say anything, you could just offer him your company. And assure him that when he is ready, you will be there to listen and help him.

Many times, the company alone already provides a first consolation, very useful in the moment of overcoming the difficulties. So that when your child needs to be heard, the first thing you need to do is let them know that you are there for them. Both physically and psychologically.