My Son Is One Of Those Difficult-tempered Children!

We don’t know where children get their difficult temper. Shortly after 10 months, some people present defiant attitudes, scratch us, beat us and always seem frustrated. Although many parents are desperate in the face of these behaviors, one thing must be clarified: they are normal stages that must be able to manage.

During pregnancy it is very common to fantasize about what our child will be like. Let’s imagine a quiet child who sleeps without interruptions, who cries little or nothing, who welcomes us with big smiles and eagerly swallows everything we feed him.

However, it can happen that a few months after his birth we discover that our baby has a really bad temper. Many families look for a genetic justification with phrases like “He has the same temper as his father”, “He always has a bad moon like his grandfather” or “He always gets angry, just like his grandmother.”

It is not adequate. Every child, believe it or not, has a personal temperament that you must know how to understand, manage and channel from the first months. Far from despairing, you must arm yourself with wits, patience and love and understand that your child has a difficult character, but also a great potential to discover.

Below, on Siamo Mamme , we explain how to identify hyper-demanding children and how to work with them.

Aspects that can define a child’s personality

An individual’s personality  is a complex and dynamic construct. There is a biological basis (based on the activity of our neurotransmitters, we develop a certain extroversion or, conversely, a more relaxed or introverted character), but environmental and educational factors and our personal experiences also influence.

When we talk about children, however, everything becomes more elementary. An 8 or 10 month old baby has not yet interacted with the world, we are still educating him and has just entered the world. Where does his difficult character come from, then? From that unique and particular brain that has a very special way of relating to what surrounds it. Generally children with a difficult temperament are hyper-demanding.

Now let’s see what clues can help us understand if our child is hyper-demanding or not.

Activities

Some children are incredibly active. They look and touch everything, sometimes they even react angrily by trying to break the object or just slam it.

Others, on the other hand, while being curious, have a calmer, more relaxed level of activity.

Regularity

To understand if your child is over-demanding, pay attention to his habits. Sometimes, even following the same routine, it is impossible for us to make him take an afternoon nap. He wakes up several times during the night, getting him to eat is a real challenge and it is usually quite complicated even to change his diaper.

Children who do not adapt to changes

Sometimes we end up believing that it is impossible to leave the house with your baby. When you go on a trip, go shopping or visit someone, the baby gets desperate and won’t stop crying. He does not accept changes and also reacts aggressively.

Intensity of his emotions

For a hyper-demanding child, there are no half terms. He cries with great intensity or laughs heartily, his emotions overflow and sometimes even pass from one state to another in a matter of seconds. All of this undoubtedly reveals to us how difficult it is for him to manage his emotional world.

How to treat my child if he has a difficult temper

Children with a difficult temper usually show a greater peak in emotional intensity when they are 10 or 12 months old. It is then that they open up to the world with greater confidence and their curiosity increases exponentially. If they don’t get something, they get frustrated. If they are not picked up when they say, they scream. If they are denied something, they pull their hair.

To manage these behaviors, it is necessary to reflect and apply the following strategies:

Never scream and don’t lose your cool

• A hyper-demanding child first of all wants attention. Understand that this is not a personality problem and that this high level of anxiety, crying, frustration and bad nights usually decreases over time. It is important that you act with dexterity and a lot of affection.

• A child with a difficult temper, screaming and hitting should not be treated with further yelling or nervousness. This would only make the situation worse. Act calmly, intimately, and rigorously by telling him that he should never hit or break things.

• Children understand much more than we think, so a “no” in time and a correct indication of improper conduct at all times will allow them to assimilate it little by little.

Channeling his energy through stimuli or games

You also need to understand that strategies such as being indifferent or letting him cry when frustrated are useless.

Children with difficult temperaments usually demand a lot of us as mothers. It is necessary to know what they want at all times, to control their anger and to channel their energy in various ways. They are often very curious children, so try to give them continuous stimuli and learning opportunities.